An Editorial on Hiding Who You Are—And What You See When You Finally Stop
Now that I’m finally becoming who I am,
I see the pretending more clearly in everyone else.
And sometimes I still ask myself—
Was it wrong to play along,
even when I knew it wasn’t real?
@ZEALUNITY
When you’re younger, you can easily fall into playing a role you’re not sure of—doing things just to fit in or to make others happy without fully understanding the impact. But as you get older, you start to realize the difference between actions done without meaning and actions done with intention. The real danger comes when you’ve already shared your feelings, and people continue to act without consideration.
When you don’t address it, when you don’t speak up, it starts to look like you’re easy to manipulate. It’s not about being passive anymore; it’s about being aware of the choices you’re making and protecting your peace. Letting things slide is like giving away a piece of yourself, and eventually, you’re left wondering where you went and who’s been controlling the narrative.
Someone Else’s Narrative
Identifying situations that don’t serve you starts with recognizing the signs. One of the clearest examples is a relationship that doesn’t lift you up, a connection that leaves you feeling drained instead of fulfilled. If you’re unsure whether this is happening, ask yourself: What does happiness look like to me? What things truly make me happy? Have I been doing them?
If all your answers revolve around other people—how they make you feel or what they bring to your life—it’s time to pause and reflect. Ask yourself why you’re so attached to this person. If it’s just a “feeling” you can’t quite explain, be honest with yourself: you’re likely easy to manipulate. You need to know who you are first, before you can figure out who someone else is in your life. Understanding yourself is the foundation of any healthy relationship. Without that, you might find yourself lost in someone else’s expectations, losing sight of what truly makes you happy.
2. Quit Pretending: Own Your Truth and Level Up
It’s crucial to never mask yourself for anyone. When you do, it’s obvious—people can see that you’re not being genuine, and they’ll pick up on your insecurities. It leaves you vulnerable, an easy target for manipulation. The real you gets hidden, and others begin to shape their perception of who you are based on what they want you to be, not who you truly are.
If you feel anxiety just for being yourself, it’s time to ask some tough questions. Do my actions align with my future goals? Am I making a positive effort every day to move forward, or am I just putting in the effort to stay where I am? Living should feel like freedom, even on the tough days that bring sadness. You are here for a reason, and the question is—what could you be doing right now to better yourself?
Recovering After You’ve Broken Free
Sometimes, after too many experiences that leave you feeling drained, it feels like you’re stuck on your floor or bed for days, consumed by emotions. It might not seem like part of the process, but honestly, it’s necessary. Let yourself feel it. Don’t let others distract you from it—it’s your moment to process. And when you’re ready to move on, do things that help express the rest of what you’re feeling.
Look in the mirror and take a second to appreciate how amazing you are, even if it doesn’t feel like it in the moment. Put on your favourite song, relax, and focus on doing absolutely nothing—just being. It’s harder than it sounds, but sometimes it’s exactly what you need. Look up at the sky and allow yourself to dream, to believe in what’s next.
For me, one of my go-to moves is to go to Walmart or dig through my old clothes to make an outfit and shoot it. I started doing that when I was 9—putting on Halloween costumes, grabbing makeup, and making videos with a National Geographic kids’ camera. But now, I do it my own way. I take the same creative energy, but it’s evolved into something that’s uniquely mine. It’s how I express myself, even when I feel like I’ve got no words left.
Confronting with Clarity: Staying Healthy Through Difficult Conversations
After you’ve given yourself some time to decompress, it’s time to face the situation more seriously, but with clarity. Reacting impulsively, especially when emotions are running high, only fuels the conflict. Often, you’ve been contributing just as much energy to the situation—whether you realize it or not. And sometimes, the other person might be aware of this, using your emotional reaction to manipulate the situation and pin it on you later.
Take a moment to breathe and check yourself. Don’t let anyone control you, even if they’re trying to provoke a reaction. That’s often exactly what they want. Own your actions, express your feelings clearly, and create space for open communication. Let them share their perspective, but keep the conversation civil and respectful. Close things off on a positive note, leaving no room for bad blood.
Once you’ve said what you need to, let it go. You’ve validated your feelings, communicated your truth, and didn’t let emotions take over. You didn’t use threats or manipulation. That’s growth. Don’t expect them to understand immediately, and if they respond negatively, it only confirms the energy they bring. Even in heated moments, it’s possible to handle things with respect, without letting them control how you feel.
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